I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
