I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
