the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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