i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
