I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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