Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
