just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
