If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
