I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
