No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
