I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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