its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
