Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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