Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
