I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I intend to get homeless drunk
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
