I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
