I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The Olympian is in my bed
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
