I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
