Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
