I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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