Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
