New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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