Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
