so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
