i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
