Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
