even my farts smell like vagina
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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