God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
