I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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