You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Alive.
So much puke
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
