Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
