at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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