I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
