He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
