listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
