I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
