i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I currently don't understand fingers.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
