the new term for farting is butt boxing.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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