Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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