As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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