I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
