nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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