If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
