we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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