I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize