Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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