the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
