can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
