You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
