I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
