Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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