I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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