i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
