I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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