Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
